Advent

Advent has been a tradition in our house since Lindsey was old enough to know about Christmas. We always wanted to make sure that the emphasis was always on Jesus and the reason that we celebrate Christmas in the first place. Then 10 years ago my good friend Lori Apon gave us the greatest Advent book...Every day beginning December 1 you open a door in this beautiful book. Every day tells a piece of the Christmas story. I get the cheap little dollar store candy advent books with a piece of candy for each day .

Every night we sit as a family...light a candle...read the advent book, sing a song and talk about what Christmas really means then we blow the candle out and the kids eat their candy. Although my oldest haven't eaten the candy for a few years...they still participate in the tradition. It is one of our favorite things about Christmas!

Think back about Christmas's as a child.....most of us can't name many of the gifts that we recieved as a kid but we can remember the traditions that we enjoyed. Make amazing memories with your kids! Get your focus off of the gifts and the money! Make this season special by doing things together. Eat dinner on a blanket in your living room and play a game! Make a car picnic and go looking for Christmas lights. Go together as a family and buy gifts for a needy family...let your kids pick out age appropriate gifts to give away!

Enjoy your family!

Raiders

Our oldest boy..Marshall is a part of ROTC and the Raiders team. Their team made it to nationals a few weeks ago. Boy oh boy was I proud of him and the whole team. They did an amazing job! Here are a few pictures....hope they are not cut off like last time???
Marshall was 2nd in the nation for sit ups and pushups...he did 135 pushups in 2 min??? He is a FRESHMAN!!!
Lindsey and Hunter....AAAHHHH How cute!
The water was freezing!
Marshall and another kid helped everyone over and then jumped over themselves.
Very proud of him!!!!!

Speak Kind Words!!!

I wonder what it would be like if our words were recorded all day and then played back to us. It would not be pretty for me on some days. I have a feeling that I would listen...cringing...crying...at my tone, in many instances! I wonder how many times I have missed the opportunity to speak encouragement and kindness into my husband, my children and others because I was not thinking about the power of words! The Bible is FULL of verses about our words and their power! Here are a few.

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Matthew 12:36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak

Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Lets start thinking about what we say...and how we say it!

Encouragement!

Are you encouraging your kids..and your husband for that matter...every day???? Sometimes we get so busy with "life" that we forget to give words of encouragement. This can be especially true if you have a really strong willed child. Look back on your day and ask yourself...Were my comments to my children mostly positive and uplifting or negative? Some mamas just seem to be so negative all the time.

A huge part of parenting is correcting...but if we are not extremely careful we will get so busy with that one aspect we forget the uplifting part. One of my kids was so trying..ALL THE TIME...those who know me know exactly which child:)...I spent many many hours praying, crying, begging the Lord for a break through with this child! I kid you not....this struggle went on for YEARS....I thought I had the one kid who could not be tamed. There were many days that I had to look really really hard to find positive uplifting things to say!

As I spent time in prayer..one of the things that the Lord showed me was to encourage this child with scripture and with the child's identity in Christ....so these were some of the statements that I used over and over with all my kids but it started with the one I struggled with.

Jesus loves you so very much! And so do I!!
The Bible says that the Lord knit you together in my womb...I love how He made you!
I can't wait to see the person you will grow up to be!
The Lord has an amazing plan for you!
I am so glad that the Lord gave you to me!
Did you know that Jesus loves you so much that He gave His life for you!
The Bible says that you are a very special blessing just for me!
I love you so much.....just because you are mine!


Look for ways to give praise...notice when your kids have good manners, speak kind words or lend a helping hand. Tell them that you are overjoyed to be their mama!

Excuses???!!!

We have a whole generation of adults who have been allowed to make excuses for their bad behavior. Those people who never take responsibility for their actions...it is always someone else's fault. I think it starts at home!! Bad behavior is excused by parents and kids grow up to become adults who make excuses for everything in their lives. I'm gonna bet that if you talk with your 80 year old grand parents.....you will get a very different perspective! Below are some common excuses that I hear...

*Oh those terrible two's...to excuse fit pitching
*Boy's will be boy's....to excuse brothers fighting, or even pornography as they are older
*Oh she/he is going through puberty...to excuse bad attitudes
*It's her time of the month..to excuse EVERYTHING!!
*Teenagers...to excuse stupidity...crazy how teenagers are just expected to make poor decisions because of their age!!


Look familiar??? My point is that we are raising children who's behavior has not been dealt with and even excused. They in turn are adults who make excuses for everything in their lives. I tell my kids...there are and will always be many things that are out of your control, but you can be in control of your response. A true test of character is how we RESPOND in difficult situations.

Don't make excuses for your own bad behavior and don't let your kids...at any age!

Big Brother!!

Luke had a bad dream that bugs were crawling on him. He told Marshall that he was afraid they were going to return when he went to sleep. Marshall said, "What if I lay down with you until you fall asleep to make sure they do not come back?" This made Luke VERY happy..so Marshall climbed into Luke's twin bed with him and both fell asleep. Does a mama's heart proud to see her 6ft, high school boy take care of his brother. Those of you who know some of our struggles there...know how very proud I am! :)

Bad Attitudes

I know that my personality is black and white....so this may seem harsh...but my husband's personality is not black and white....he is much more encouraging and gentle than I am.... and we are totally on the same page on this one...so you can't blame this on my personality!

Bad Attitudes.....do not accept them!!! Honestly it is that easy! Do my kids ever have them...YES and so do I for that matter! The difference is that they are not tolerated and they are dealt with immediately! We do not accept eye rolling, slamming doors, stamping and stomping, back talking or deep sighing! The instance that we see any of it ..it is dealt with right that second. I might say something like....."I know you are upset but you may not act like that." We do try to give them acceptable ways to handle their emotions but we do not argue with them! If there is not instant compliance there are instant consequences!

When my kids were little I would say something like..."You may not talk to me like that...if you can talk to me nicely or without whining or in a big girl/boy voice...then we can talk...otherwise you may go to your room until you can talk to me properly." I also used this if they were talking to their siblings or friends in an ugly or mean voice.

As my kids have gotten older this is still the same rule...they are not allowed to talk to each other or to us in a mean or disrespectful voice. They are taught to use their words in an acceptable manor to convey their thoughts.....I say to them things like...."Let's try that again." Sometimes I will even say.."Let me show you hoe that sounded" and I will mimic them...and then ask the question....."Is that the way you want to talk or to be talked to??"

So what is the result of this....my older kids...13, 14, and 17 almost NEVER give any attitude..I can't say never because no one is perfect but I will say this...If I ask them for help..If I ask them to do a chore that is not their normal duty...If I ask them to drop whatever they are doing and come to me...THEY DO IT WITHOUT ANY ATTITUDE>>>EVER!!! They occasionally have attitude with each other but almost never with me. It just never has been tolerated. I do not yell at them....I never threaten them...I really do just simply say..you may not act like that or you may not talk like that. I have done that since they were little and they DO IT!

The other day I came down the stairs to find my son..10 speaking so ugly to his sister...I sent him upstairs and I went up to talk to him...I told him that it didn't matter what she did...he could not speak like that and I gave him alternatives that he could have used in the situation but I would not let him "justify" his behavior. I then told him that the entire next day he would serve her. He had to do her chores...he had to clear her plate...He had to make her lunch...get her drinks and speak kind words to her. Along with an apology of course! All was well between them!

SO basically no arguing just do not accept bad attitudes! :)

Poor man's Rice Pudding

I grew up in an amazing family. My parents had very little money especially when I was little but we never really new it. I can remember my mom cooking eggs and giving each of us girls 1/2 of a piece of bacon and she would give my daddy a whole piece. We had a garden and we ate out of it everyday..my mom canned veggies all summer so that we would have them in the winter. We ate rice at many meals..I didn't know that was because it was so cheap! :) One of our favorite treats on a night that we had rice was to take a small bowl of left over rice...put a pat of butter in it and sprinkle with sugar. We thought it was a big deal because we never had dessert so it was a treat. I still like to have a bit whenever I make rice...just for fun! Thank you mama and daddy for always making us feel special!

Parenting..chores

Yes, your children should be doing chores. I recently saw a clip of the Oprah show that a friend sent me...it was about a mother who was working full time and her struggle with the HUGE job of doing the laundry. She had a husband and 3 boys...2 college age and one in high school. I watched in total amazement as they brought in a "specialist" to show her how to get a "handle" on the problem. Things like....special baskets so the boys can sort their own laundry....stain stick on the outside of the basket so they can pretreat.....they showed her how to hang her clothes to save time....they put her on a schedule to help her...SERIOUSLY!!!!! I sat with my jaw dropped.....ALL my kids do their own laundry!!!!!!!! Luke is 8 and he is still in the training process so I help him...which means I oversee what he is doing....but the rest of the kids do this all by themselves...that's a novel idea!

I have a chore chart on my fridge divided into days of the week. Each child has a column for each day. Each morning after breakfast they are required to do their chores. It takes them about 15 minutes except for the day that they have to do their laundry and on Saturday they all have a few more chores and it takes them each about 25 min. Remember the last parenting blog about getting your kids in bed early enough to get a good night sleep......well here is where it will show...you can't give them such a small amount of time to get ready in the AM that they don't have time to get this done.

Your children should NOT complain about doing their work...I will deal with this more in another blog.

We do not pay our kids for chores...it is just what you do! I have an "extra" chore basket. I basically go around the house and find those "extra" things that I want done...write them on a card and assign a price that I am willing to pay...they may choose as many as they like to earn extra money. An example..... Clean the ceiling fan in living room(this doesn't require a ladder in my house) including removing the glass light fixtures...washing and reattaching..$3.00

If your kids have never been required to do chores....there will be a season of teaching and training. You can't expect perfection but you can expect them to do a good job or they will have to do it again. But you can't expect to show them once and they know how to do it right.

Below is the list of chores that my kids do....remember they are divided up into daily parts but it will give you an idea of how we do things here.

All children are required to make their beds each morning and pick up their rooms. Each child is given a different day of the week to do laundry and they are required to strip their bed and wash their sheets on this day as well....I help my youngest 2 put the sheets back on their beds. I change the chores about every 3 months so they are not doing the same thing over and over. They all have one night to help in the kitchen...this includes chopping, cooking, setting the table. The first chore listed is a daily chore...whe rest are spread out over the week.

Lindsey 17 Sweep floor in kitchen and dining room daily, including shaking rugs..daily, unload dishwasher, wipe down laundry area, clean girls shower, mop floor in girls bathroom, kitchen help, vacuum downstairs, dust living room

Marshall 14 Empty all house trash cans..daily, un-load dishwasher, kitchen trash, wash clothes, vacuum living room and stairs, clean boys shower and mop boys bathroom (Marshall's schedule is lighter because he cuts the grass once a week.

Emily 13 Wipe down sink and potty girls bathroom daily, wipe down stove and microwave, vacuum living room and stairs, un-load dishwasher, wash clothes, kitchen trash, sweep stairs and vacuum downstairs, dust dinning room, kitchen help

Benjamin 10 Wipe down boys toilet daily, kitchen trash, un-load dishwasher, water plants, shake rugs and sweep boys bathroom, clean all computer and tv screens, wash clothes, sweep back deck help weed eat and blow the yard, kitchen help

Luke 8 Boys sink and mirror daily, kitchen trash wash clothes,un-load dishwasher, kitchen help, sweep front porch and shake rug, move all chairs &wipe down, mop kitchen,

After each meal everyone pitches in and wipes tables and counters, loads dishwasher, washes and dries dishes, sweep

Before bed we all have a tidy to take "stuff" that accumulates throughout the day back to its proper place :)

Parenting..Mornings

Remember these will be short and sweet! If you have further questions ask! I love questions!

* A good morning starts the night before! Lay out clothes and supplies..you do not want to be searching for homework and shoes in the morning. If clothes are already chosen and laid out...it will make your morning smoother.

* Also PUT YOUR CHILDREN TO BED EARLY ENOUGH TO GET THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SLEEP! Children are cranky when they are sleepy...so am I! :) This WILL make your mornings better!!

*Wake up before your children....get yourself together. Get dressed...get your coffee..or tea..or whatever gets you going!...Spend a few minutes with the Lord! Pray and ask the Lord to help you in your day....pray for your children and your husband! I like to read a chapter of Proverbs...there are 31 of them so I can read the one that correlates with that day.

*Wake your children up so that they have plenty of time to get ready and "wake-up"...I have many times made the mistake of trying to let them get as much sleep as possible and I push the time too close..I spend my whole morning saying,"hurry up!" If they are in bed on time this should not be an issue!

*Start your kids out with a good balanced breakfast. Parents feed their kids a boat load of sugar filled stuff first thing and then wonder why they are bouncing off the walls and unable to concentrate. Doughnuts, pop tarts, toaster strudels, or canned cinnamon rolls are not a healthy beginning!

*Remember to speak kind and encouraging words to your kids and to your husband in the morning. Don't start the day being short tempered, rushed, or even yelling....that is not a good way to start the day!!

The Ultimate Parenting Goal

I hate long Blog posts....I do not reading them and I sure do not like to write them!! So I am going to break these up into many small parts for my own sake:)

This first post is really central for all the other posts to follow on parenting. The Bible doesn't give a whole lot of instruction specifically on parenting. This is my favorite:

Deuteronomy 6: 5-9 5You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

This passage is the lens through which all of our parenting passes. My main job as a Christian parent is to teach my children to "Love the Lord with ALL their hearts...when..... all day in every situation. When I wake up in the morning and I lie in bed praying for the Lord to bless my day...I always ask Him to help me remember that my most important job is to point my kids back to Him.

Over the next few weeks I am going to try to give some practical helps.... but it all boils back down to those verses for me. What drives you as a parent? What are your goals? There will be many days of discouragement when you will need to remember what the goal is!!!

Kids driving you crazy??

I always notice how parents interact with their children. Am I curious or nosy? I listen in on the conversation, tone and facial expression. It makes me so sad to see parents who seem not to enjoy their children. What a miserable existence as a parent to just "endure" while children grow up. I will tell you that many children are so miserable to be around I can see why parents feel this way. Many times this is a vicious cycle...parent tolerates bad behavior....kid pushes all the buttons..parent gives in......kid pushes all the right buttons.....parent explodes....kid backs off..only to come back at it again and round and round the cycle continues.

I do not want to paint a picture that all 5 of my children have been perfect children...they have not nor have I been a perfect parent...nor have I always enjoyed every moment with my kids. Those who know us well..know that one of our children popped out of the womb testing us on every level and there were a few years there that I thought it wasn't going to get better and one of us was going to have to die and it wasn't ME! Even through those HARD years there was joy and there were great lessons learned...mainly about myself!

I'm going to take the next few days to talk about some really common issues and how we have dealt with them..so if you know anyone especially with younger children have them tune in! I'm going to talk about Bed Time, Taking your Children Out, Chores, Training at Home, Mealtime Madness, 1st time obedience..and Manners.

Mama....teach your children basic table manners! This is an ongoing process...it doesn't just happen because you pointed it out to them once! There are LOTS of lessons to be learned at the table! It is just plain gross to watch an adult eat like a messy child! You can even make this fun.....almost any lesson can be fun and entertaining. Sometimes at our house we even have..how not to eat...and we all join in on bad table manners....even I show everyone at the table the food in my mouth and we have burping contests...there really are times and places for that! So have fun and work on a skill that will follow them forever!

AMTC Thursday

Ok...so as you know we ended up leaving the Gaylord...for a little step down...to the Super 8.....The lady and her daughter who were supposed to room with us...left to be with someone else in a free condo....which is all fine except we do not have a vehicle. She assured us that she would come and get us and take us back to the hotel and she has a few times but she runs late and we do not like to be late.....so we have been walking...it is about 1 1/2 miles..which isn't bad but in Orlando in July...need I say more?

Now for the great part! Today as we were walking and sweating...for the 3rd time..Lindsey and I had an amazing conversation about how far people in other countries walk to hear the gospel and how this is an acting competition for pete's sake! Lindsey also told me about how she has been praying that the Lord would help her to remain humble through all of this and believe me this is an atmosphere full of egos. She told me that she is glad we were walking because it has built character and what satan probably meant for evil..the Lord meant for good! Worth it..you bet!!

Packrat??

I am not a pack rat in general. I try really hard to ask myself..have I used this...will I "seriously" be using this in the near future. As far as my kids are concerned I do keep special or sentimental things they have given me and I keep their very favorite things...blankets, dolls, trucks...etc but for the most part I do not keep stuff.

I have a summer and Christmas ritual of cleaning out closets, rooms and the basement...I do enjoy this although my whole house is a complete mess right now...the process is always disastrous looking???

In the top of one closet are a few things from my childhood that I will always keep but one of the things that I have kept all these years is a baton. When I was 7 my parents let me sign up for baton lessons and they bought me a "real" baton. Not the thick kiddy kind but the heavy slender real kind! Why have I saved this...I thought that my kids might play with it...well maybe...but they haven't....no the real reason is because my parents did not have much money and anything that we did meant a big sacrifice for them....it represents a sacrificial gift of love to me. I'm never going to use it and neither are my kids..I can't really display it...so I am going to take a picture of it and I am going take it out of the closet.

I sure do love my mama and daddy and the way they loved me and my sisters. They gave me a godly heritage....and that my friends is PRICELESS!!

Modesty part A

When I start to write a new post I always try to think about how to write something so that it doesn't come across judgmental...but I'm just going to tell you...I'm not a "fluff" kind of gal! I like the straight forward direct approach. I have learned some grace over the years...a little??? I have also learned to try really hard NOT to give my opinion about a subject in every conversation and I have also learned over the years that just because someone asks for my opinion.....they might not really want to hear it. These days if someone asks for my thoughts on a subject that I KNOW is going to be directly opposed to theirs...I will say something like, "Are you sure you want to hear what I think?"

I get emails with lots of subjects that bring this kind of controversy.One such subject is what we allow our daughters to wear...how do we handle modesty....so if you don't want my opinion you should skip on right now to the next blog. :) I will start off by saying that for this post I am not talking about gothic/dark clothing. While it certainly is not immodest for the most part....it does many times reveal deeper issues that should be addressed. So when I am talking about style...I am NOT talking about this dark sinister fashion that is going on today.

I do better in short bursts so here goes!

*Modesty starts young...do not let your 4 year old dress like a hoochie mama (do ya'll know what that is?) It is hard to let them dress a certain way and then suddenly change that when they get older?

*Let your girls have their own style. Your girls do not need to have YOUR fashion sense. You don't even have to like it??? Really you don't! Example...One of my daughters is a fashion queen....and she puts the strangest things....colors, jewelry, layers of clothes.....together. I do not always like it..not because it is immodest but because it just isn't my style.....but it doesn't matter...she likes it and feels good about herself!

* We have taught our girls that God made their bodies and that they are beautiful! We have also taught them that boys are sight creatures and that when you dress in such a manor as to "show off the goods"...you are making it so much harder for them to lead a life of purity. I want them to show themselves freely to their husbands one day.....but not to everyone else along the way!

*What you wear says something about you! Like it or not! It may not be "truth" but it does make a statement! If every time you saw me I had a basketball uniform on....you would probably conclude that I play or like basketball.....of which neither is true...but it would be a logical assumption! If you were going into an interview for an executive position and you were over the top qualified....you would not stroll in with greasy hair, flip flops, shorts and a tank top.....why....because even though you may be qualified....people make an assumption based on how you look!!! Why can we see this in ALL other areas of life but not in this one????? Moms will say "she just feels pretty dressed this way....she doesn't mean anything by it" or.... my all time favorite...."The boys should learn to control themselves"

Well my response to that is bless your heart! OK this is getting to long but I still have much to say.....so I will do a part B tomorrow!

OH BOY!!

Yep that is my girl....she LOVES those horses!

Boys

I will miss these things when they are gone! I also routinely find these men in my bathroom towel rack. They are too young to read a magazine so I guess they play with men to pass the time! :)

Freedom

I was talking to my beautiful 16 year old who I am wildly proud of the other night....we were talking about freedom. If the average person were to look from the outside at the way we are bringing up our children they might say...oh my goodness they are so strict....they have too many rules. Rules such as: my kids have never been allowed to do sleepovers with friends.....my kids can't date.....there are many movies and tv shows we do not watch....they are not allowed to leave and roam the neighborhood...we do not just drop them off at the movies or the mall with their friends(Lindsey just started this at 16)...there are many popular books they can't read, no bikini's, no low cut shirts....you get the idea!

I told Lindsey that it was my prayer that they would see that they have GREAT freedom within the bounds we give them. I hope that they will not refer to us as strict. I don't want them to feel stifled. I described it as a beautiful field that they could roam freely inside of...sometimes the other side of the fence looks amazing but it is covered in hidden land mines....so what looks like "freedom" really isn't. Our desire is not to oppress them but to protect them.

Look at God's example of sex....one man one woman for life inside the bounds of marriage. The world says that this is restrictive...there is no freedom to express love and this is too narrow and confining.It isn't realistic! God just doesn't want us to have fun...He is a party pooper!

On the contrary.....look at what He is trying to protect us from(land mines) Aids, teenage pregnancy, STD's, feelings of desperation especially for girls,a feeling that we could never measure up, addiction to pornography, adultery, guilt, shame! What does He want for us.....GREAT FREEDOM within our marriage! Unbelievable sex with our mate! The ability to be free without the fear and oppression of the "land mines." He wants the very best for us!!!!

Lindsey said that she feels like she has freedom. YEAH....She has shown great responsibility therefore she has more freedom...as much as is possible we try to say yes to the things that are within the bounds we have given her(and the rest of the kids) and we also are open to talking through those areas that we disagree about. Sometimes after a conversation we even revise our decision..we certainly are not perfect and we do not want them to feel that it is our way or the highway...how prideful for us to not even listen to our children....as long as they approach us properly...begging, pleading and guilt NEVER work here!

I have probably opened a big can of worms with this post...feel free to comment!

Last week

Well we will be finished this Friday with our 10 a week challenge. I have learned a few things....we eat a great deal of cereal.....I mean a GREAT deal and I ran out after the first week. It has been the biggest thing that my kids have noticed. Next time I will have that better stocked. I did go to CVS last night and I got 4 boxes 50 cents each of Rasin Bran....you would have thought it was Christmas.

2nd thing that I have learned......I can make this work on less. We still have a huge amount of food left! We have enough of just about everything to make it another 2 weeks. I would run out of meat but otherwise we could do it!

3rd We eat a lot of fresh fruit. It ran out last week and we have had many fruit smoothies over the last week and we have enough for the rest of this week but it is not the same as fresh!

4th Eric went to Haiti during the challenge...it helps put things in perspective.....he told stories of how the orphans wanted fresh water........seriously am I going to complain about fresh fruit when they want water????? We are soooo blessed!!