Don't assume!

I can tell you that I am sort of glad that we have not been in the ministry all of our married life...I might be a hardened bitter old lady by now! :) I remember years ago talking with one of my friends who is a ministers wife....we were talking about how much we loved the thrift store and we were swapping thrift store find stories. She told me that she found a Dooney and Bourke handbag for $4.50...this particular one was regular $200....she loved it! She carried it to church one Sunday and someone recognized the brand.....I personally wouldn't know the difference.....anyway....this person said......"Love the purse....Guess I need to get a job at the church so I can afford something that nice" my friend quickly told her about the thrift store but never carried it again because she said she felt like she needed to wear a sign that said "thrift store find....don't judge me"

It was so nuts but it made me evaluate the way I look at others....was I guilty of judging when I didn't know all the facts..probably!

Now fast forward ans we have been in the ministry for almost 4 years and I am on the receiving end of that judgement! It is very difficult. There certainly are those who give the rest of us a bad name....those who take money for ministry and live in utter extravagance....but when you live very frugally and make huge sacrifices all the time, it is so hard to have every move analyzed! I really do feel like I need to constantly explain our every move. If you have a question about how we spend our time or resources....come and ask us....do not make comments to others and do not make jabbing comments to us...just ask...I'll tell ya!!!! Don't assume cause you may just be really really wrong!

Show Grace

I blew it! You know those moments that you just wish you could have a "re-do"....well this is one of them! Emily has been volunteering all week in VBS.....and at night she has been staying and playing freeze tag with the other volunteers....then she is home by 9:30. Well last night 9:30 came and went.....9:45 came and went...so my sister and I went looking for her and her cousin.....nothing....... 10:10...I'm about to be in full fledged panic! My sister asked if I thought they had walked to Wendy's...surely NOT! She is almost 14 she has never gone somewhere without asking me!!

We pulled up and there she was inside with a group of friends. I couldn't believe it....my worry quickly turned to dismay and anger. I walked in and asked her to come outside where I began to explain how worried I was and that I couldn't believe that she would just go without calling. OK I will tell you that up till this point I stand behind my decisions.....then I told her to get in the car...she had lost the privilege to hang with her friends.

So what do I regret.....she has NEVER given me any reason not to trust her.....she serves Jesus all the time by serving others.....she was with a great group of friends...I truly believe that she got caught up in the moment and that it wasn't a rebellious intentional action. Knowing all these things..I should have extended grace...but I didn't! I wish I had! She and I talked that night about all the why's and the importance of calling me and about how we would gladly give her freedoms but that she had to communicate and get permission. The next morning I talked to her and told her why I should have extended grace and that I was sorry. She was awesome and full of her own apologies for forgetting and that she sure hoped she had not lose my trust. All is good but I have to practice what I preach act but don't just "re-act."

Love those babies!!!!

My big Dream!!!!

What is your dream? I mean your BIG dream from the Lord??? Do you ever feel like it is so big that it is ridiculous? I do!!!!! We moved into our house 15 years ago. It was such a blessing....it was owned by a drug dealer who went to prison...it was trashed but we could see the potential! We worked hard to restore it and we love it! We knew from the time that we moved in that it was not ours....we have always viewed our "stuff" as the Lords. Really from the very beginning Eric and I have known that we are supposed to give this house to our church(right across the street). Our church has a couple of amazing ministries...one is to provide furlough homes for missionaries and another is to provide homes for pastors who are hurting and need a place to come for healing hearts. Here is a picture of our house.

Then comes the second part of our dream. There is a piece of land here in Woodstock.... 87 acres right in the heart of Woodstock....and it is in foreclosure:) Here some pictures of it. It is way too long of a story to write here...but the Lord started burning a Big dream into our hearts. We would love for Driven To Encourage to own this land.....with several uses....one is that it is already set up as pasture land....we would love to have horses and a place for equine therapy(which is actually Emily's BIG dream) for mentally and physically handicapped children. Secondly we would have facilities for the kids that Eric mentors. And last...and dearest to my heart personally....we would have a large unit......for around 30 couples to live. Marriages are falling apart!!!! My dream is to have a place for newly weds to live for a year under the agreement that they will attend marriage classes and put themselves in a place of being mentored. They would continue to work or go to school and they would pay some sort of rent. We would open the classes up to any married couple who wanted to attend but we would focus intently on those 30 couples.

So what do you think??? What is your BIG Dream?????

What is under my bed?

What is under my bed??? Well the reason that I am answering this question is that our house is really small for 4 people...much less 7:) So I have to constantly declutter and make sure that I am making the very best use of my space! Under the beds is a great place to start. First I start with these great risers...I love high beds and these are great to give that look and it gives more storage space under the bed. They are inexpensive...I bought mine at Wal-mart but you can get them at Home Depot.
I have several different clear plastic containers in varying sizes.

One is filled with gift bags(dollar store has great bags!) for all occasions. The box is complete with tissue paper, scissors, ribbon and tape. I save bags that I get gifts in as well. This keeps them all together and it saves me from running to the store when I need one.

Another is filled with extra free drugstore stuff that I might use as a hostess gift or a birthday gift. make-up, lotion, body spray, room spray, candles, tea towels.....

Another is filled with seasonal clothes....small house...small closets:) So now all my sweaters and sweatshirts are under my bed and at the end of summer I will switch them out.

All of my kids have these boxes under their beds for a variety of things...my little boys have most of their toys under their beds....leggo's, cars, GI Joe men, guns and swords...all in separate boxes.....easy to pull our and easy to clean-up!

New Coffee Table

This coffee table is made by Laura Ashley and it costs $600....I love it so I have been looking for one to recreate.

I found this very beat up coffee table at the Thrift Store for $20. It was solid and in great shape. One leg was wobbly...nothing a few nails didn't fix.

I washed it down and then rubbed the surface with steel wool.

I bought black stain for $4 at HomeDepot. I pained it on....it only took 1 coat.
After it dried I used this handheld sander and distressed the table...this is the funnest part to me. I ran the sander over edges...stepped back and looked at it and then sanded it again. Because the table was so worn from previous owners I decided to distress it further with a hammer and a few other random tools that I used to swing at the table. I love it!!!

Emily's Party

When our kids turn 13 we have a special party for them. We bring in friends and special mentors to speak into their lives and encourage them and then we take a trip. Emily LOVES horses so I found a farm in Florida that raises Freisian horses and off we went. The owner of the farm was so very gracious and we had a blast. I think that Emily could have stayed for days! Then off to the beach for a few days. We had an awesome 3 days away...lots of laughing and talking and playing! We drank enough tea to drown a person! We made lots of memories.

Michele Helms

I want to blog so bad I can't stand it...but I can't seem to get to it! One of my kids has some very severe learning issues....on top of regular school...I have a tremendous amount of new stuff that we are doing with this child. I am having a hard time getting my regular stuff...you know like laundry and dishes :) much less blogging!!!!! I do find it easier to update facebook....usually straight from twitter! I'd love for you to join me there..........look for Michele Helms!

Advent

Advent has been a tradition in our house since Lindsey was old enough to know about Christmas. We always wanted to make sure that the emphasis was always on Jesus and the reason that we celebrate Christmas in the first place. Then 10 years ago my good friend Lori Apon gave us the greatest Advent book...Every day beginning December 1 you open a door in this beautiful book. Every day tells a piece of the Christmas story. I get the cheap little dollar store candy advent books with a piece of candy for each day .

Every night we sit as a family...light a candle...read the advent book, sing a song and talk about what Christmas really means then we blow the candle out and the kids eat their candy. Although my oldest haven't eaten the candy for a few years...they still participate in the tradition. It is one of our favorite things about Christmas!

Think back about Christmas's as a child.....most of us can't name many of the gifts that we recieved as a kid but we can remember the traditions that we enjoyed. Make amazing memories with your kids! Get your focus off of the gifts and the money! Make this season special by doing things together. Eat dinner on a blanket in your living room and play a game! Make a car picnic and go looking for Christmas lights. Go together as a family and buy gifts for a needy family...let your kids pick out age appropriate gifts to give away!

Enjoy your family!

Raiders

Our oldest boy..Marshall is a part of ROTC and the Raiders team. Their team made it to nationals a few weeks ago. Boy oh boy was I proud of him and the whole team. They did an amazing job! Here are a few pictures....hope they are not cut off like last time???
Marshall was 2nd in the nation for sit ups and pushups...he did 135 pushups in 2 min??? He is a FRESHMAN!!!
Lindsey and Hunter....AAAHHHH How cute!
The water was freezing!
Marshall and another kid helped everyone over and then jumped over themselves.
Very proud of him!!!!!

Speak Kind Words!!!

I wonder what it would be like if our words were recorded all day and then played back to us. It would not be pretty for me on some days. I have a feeling that I would listen...cringing...crying...at my tone, in many instances! I wonder how many times I have missed the opportunity to speak encouragement and kindness into my husband, my children and others because I was not thinking about the power of words! The Bible is FULL of verses about our words and their power! Here are a few.

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

Matthew 12:36 I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak

Proverbs 16:24 Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

Lets start thinking about what we say...and how we say it!

One of those days!!!

Ever have one of those days??? the fence is falling down, the toilet is stopped up....the sewage pipe in the basement started leaking today....my dryer is taking 2 cycles to dry everything, the car we were blessed with last week went on the fritz yesterday.... and we have no money!!!!!

The Lord must be up to something big because that is usually what happens around a trial. Lord help me to have the attitude that would please you!!!!

Encouragement!

Are you encouraging your kids..and your husband for that matter...every day???? Sometimes we get so busy with "life" that we forget to give words of encouragement. This can be especially true if you have a really strong willed child. Look back on your day and ask yourself...Were my comments to my children mostly positive and uplifting or negative? Some mamas just seem to be so negative all the time.

A huge part of parenting is correcting...but if we are not extremely careful we will get so busy with that one aspect we forget the uplifting part. One of my kids was so trying..ALL THE TIME...those who know me know exactly which child:)...I spent many many hours praying, crying, begging the Lord for a break through with this child! I kid you not....this struggle went on for YEARS....I thought I had the one kid who could not be tamed. There were many days that I had to look really really hard to find positive uplifting things to say!

As I spent time in prayer..one of the things that the Lord showed me was to encourage this child with scripture and with the child's identity in Christ....so these were some of the statements that I used over and over with all my kids but it started with the one I struggled with.

Jesus loves you so very much! And so do I!!
The Bible says that the Lord knit you together in my womb...I love how He made you!
I can't wait to see the person you will grow up to be!
The Lord has an amazing plan for you!
I am so glad that the Lord gave you to me!
Did you know that Jesus loves you so much that He gave His life for you!
The Bible says that you are a very special blessing just for me!
I love you so much.....just because you are mine!


Look for ways to give praise...notice when your kids have good manners, speak kind words or lend a helping hand. Tell them that you are overjoyed to be their mama!

JROTC

Marshall is in JROTC this year. He tried out for the raiders team and made it...he loves it. His team is going to Nationals this weekend and Eric is going to get to share his testimony on Sunday morning with all the teams who are there. We still can't believe the opportunities that He keeps getting!! I am so proud of both my boys...Marshall and my main man!!! Here is a picture of Marshall and Lindsey at the last meet.
Below is a picture of Lindsey and Hunter....aaaahhhh aren't they so cute!

Excuses???!!!

We have a whole generation of adults who have been allowed to make excuses for their bad behavior. Those people who never take responsibility for their actions...it is always someone else's fault. I think it starts at home!! Bad behavior is excused by parents and kids grow up to become adults who make excuses for everything in their lives. I'm gonna bet that if you talk with your 80 year old grand parents.....you will get a very different perspective! Below are some common excuses that I hear...

*Oh those terrible two's...to excuse fit pitching
*Boy's will be boy's....to excuse brothers fighting, or even pornography as they are older
*Oh she/he is going through puberty...to excuse bad attitudes
*It's her time of the month..to excuse EVERYTHING!!
*Teenagers...to excuse stupidity...crazy how teenagers are just expected to make poor decisions because of their age!!


Look familiar??? My point is that we are raising children who's behavior has not been dealt with and even excused. They in turn are adults who make excuses for everything in their lives. I tell my kids...there are and will always be many things that are out of your control, but you can be in control of your response. A true test of character is how we RESPOND in difficult situations.

Don't make excuses for your own bad behavior and don't let your kids...at any age!

Big Brother!!

Luke had a bad dream that bugs were crawling on him. He told Marshall that he was afraid they were going to return when he went to sleep. Marshall said, "What if I lay down with you until you fall asleep to make sure they do not come back?" This made Luke VERY happy..so Marshall climbed into Luke's twin bed with him and both fell asleep. Does a mama's heart proud to see her 6ft, high school boy take care of his brother. Those of you who know some of our struggles there...know how very proud I am! :)

Bad Attitudes

I know that my personality is black and white....so this may seem harsh...but my husband's personality is not black and white....he is much more encouraging and gentle than I am.... and we are totally on the same page on this one...so you can't blame this on my personality!

Bad Attitudes.....do not accept them!!! Honestly it is that easy! Do my kids ever have them...YES and so do I for that matter! The difference is that they are not tolerated and they are dealt with immediately! We do not accept eye rolling, slamming doors, stamping and stomping, back talking or deep sighing! The instance that we see any of it ..it is dealt with right that second. I might say something like....."I know you are upset but you may not act like that." We do try to give them acceptable ways to handle their emotions but we do not argue with them! If there is not instant compliance there are instant consequences!

When my kids were little I would say something like..."You may not talk to me like that...if you can talk to me nicely or without whining or in a big girl/boy voice...then we can talk...otherwise you may go to your room until you can talk to me properly." I also used this if they were talking to their siblings or friends in an ugly or mean voice.

As my kids have gotten older this is still the same rule...they are not allowed to talk to each other or to us in a mean or disrespectful voice. They are taught to use their words in an acceptable manor to convey their thoughts.....I say to them things like...."Let's try that again." Sometimes I will even say.."Let me show you hoe that sounded" and I will mimic them...and then ask the question....."Is that the way you want to talk or to be talked to??"

So what is the result of this....my older kids...13, 14, and 17 almost NEVER give any attitude..I can't say never because no one is perfect but I will say this...If I ask them for help..If I ask them to do a chore that is not their normal duty...If I ask them to drop whatever they are doing and come to me...THEY DO IT WITHOUT ANY ATTITUDE>>>EVER!!! They occasionally have attitude with each other but almost never with me. It just never has been tolerated. I do not yell at them....I never threaten them...I really do just simply say..you may not act like that or you may not talk like that. I have done that since they were little and they DO IT!

The other day I came down the stairs to find my son..10 speaking so ugly to his sister...I sent him upstairs and I went up to talk to him...I told him that it didn't matter what she did...he could not speak like that and I gave him alternatives that he could have used in the situation but I would not let him "justify" his behavior. I then told him that the entire next day he would serve her. He had to do her chores...he had to clear her plate...He had to make her lunch...get her drinks and speak kind words to her. Along with an apology of course! All was well between them!

SO basically no arguing just do not accept bad attitudes! :)

Poor man's Rice Pudding

I grew up in an amazing family. My parents had very little money especially when I was little but we never really new it. I can remember my mom cooking eggs and giving each of us girls 1/2 of a piece of bacon and she would give my daddy a whole piece. We had a garden and we ate out of it everyday..my mom canned veggies all summer so that we would have them in the winter. We ate rice at many meals..I didn't know that was because it was so cheap! :) One of our favorite treats on a night that we had rice was to take a small bowl of left over rice...put a pat of butter in it and sprinkle with sugar. We thought it was a big deal because we never had dessert so it was a treat. I still like to have a bit whenever I make rice...just for fun! Thank you mama and daddy for always making us feel special!

Parenting..chores

Yes, your children should be doing chores. I recently saw a clip of the Oprah show that a friend sent me...it was about a mother who was working full time and her struggle with the HUGE job of doing the laundry. She had a husband and 3 boys...2 college age and one in high school. I watched in total amazement as they brought in a "specialist" to show her how to get a "handle" on the problem. Things like....special baskets so the boys can sort their own laundry....stain stick on the outside of the basket so they can pretreat.....they showed her how to hang her clothes to save time....they put her on a schedule to help her...SERIOUSLY!!!!! I sat with my jaw dropped.....ALL my kids do their own laundry!!!!!!!! Luke is 8 and he is still in the training process so I help him...which means I oversee what he is doing....but the rest of the kids do this all by themselves...that's a novel idea!

I have a chore chart on my fridge divided into days of the week. Each child has a column for each day. Each morning after breakfast they are required to do their chores. It takes them about 15 minutes except for the day that they have to do their laundry and on Saturday they all have a few more chores and it takes them each about 25 min. Remember the last parenting blog about getting your kids in bed early enough to get a good night sleep......well here is where it will show...you can't give them such a small amount of time to get ready in the AM that they don't have time to get this done.

Your children should NOT complain about doing their work...I will deal with this more in another blog.

We do not pay our kids for chores...it is just what you do! I have an "extra" chore basket. I basically go around the house and find those "extra" things that I want done...write them on a card and assign a price that I am willing to pay...they may choose as many as they like to earn extra money. An example..... Clean the ceiling fan in living room(this doesn't require a ladder in my house) including removing the glass light fixtures...washing and reattaching..$3.00

If your kids have never been required to do chores....there will be a season of teaching and training. You can't expect perfection but you can expect them to do a good job or they will have to do it again. But you can't expect to show them once and they know how to do it right.

Below is the list of chores that my kids do....remember they are divided up into daily parts but it will give you an idea of how we do things here.

All children are required to make their beds each morning and pick up their rooms. Each child is given a different day of the week to do laundry and they are required to strip their bed and wash their sheets on this day as well....I help my youngest 2 put the sheets back on their beds. I change the chores about every 3 months so they are not doing the same thing over and over. They all have one night to help in the kitchen...this includes chopping, cooking, setting the table. The first chore listed is a daily chore...whe rest are spread out over the week.

Lindsey 17 Sweep floor in kitchen and dining room daily, including shaking rugs..daily, unload dishwasher, wipe down laundry area, clean girls shower, mop floor in girls bathroom, kitchen help, vacuum downstairs, dust living room

Marshall 14 Empty all house trash cans..daily, un-load dishwasher, kitchen trash, wash clothes, vacuum living room and stairs, clean boys shower and mop boys bathroom (Marshall's schedule is lighter because he cuts the grass once a week.

Emily 13 Wipe down sink and potty girls bathroom daily, wipe down stove and microwave, vacuum living room and stairs, un-load dishwasher, wash clothes, kitchen trash, sweep stairs and vacuum downstairs, dust dinning room, kitchen help

Benjamin 10 Wipe down boys toilet daily, kitchen trash, un-load dishwasher, water plants, shake rugs and sweep boys bathroom, clean all computer and tv screens, wash clothes, sweep back deck help weed eat and blow the yard, kitchen help

Luke 8 Boys sink and mirror daily, kitchen trash wash clothes,un-load dishwasher, kitchen help, sweep front porch and shake rug, move all chairs &wipe down, mop kitchen,

After each meal everyone pitches in and wipes tables and counters, loads dishwasher, washes and dries dishes, sweep

Before bed we all have a tidy to take "stuff" that accumulates throughout the day back to its proper place :)

Parenting..Mornings

Remember these will be short and sweet! If you have further questions ask! I love questions!

* A good morning starts the night before! Lay out clothes and supplies..you do not want to be searching for homework and shoes in the morning. If clothes are already chosen and laid out...it will make your morning smoother.

* Also PUT YOUR CHILDREN TO BED EARLY ENOUGH TO GET THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SLEEP! Children are cranky when they are sleepy...so am I! :) This WILL make your mornings better!!

*Wake up before your children....get yourself together. Get dressed...get your coffee..or tea..or whatever gets you going!...Spend a few minutes with the Lord! Pray and ask the Lord to help you in your day....pray for your children and your husband! I like to read a chapter of Proverbs...there are 31 of them so I can read the one that correlates with that day.

*Wake your children up so that they have plenty of time to get ready and "wake-up"...I have many times made the mistake of trying to let them get as much sleep as possible and I push the time too close..I spend my whole morning saying,"hurry up!" If they are in bed on time this should not be an issue!

*Start your kids out with a good balanced breakfast. Parents feed their kids a boat load of sugar filled stuff first thing and then wonder why they are bouncing off the walls and unable to concentrate. Doughnuts, pop tarts, toaster strudels, or canned cinnamon rolls are not a healthy beginning!

*Remember to speak kind and encouraging words to your kids and to your husband in the morning. Don't start the day being short tempered, rushed, or even yelling....that is not a good way to start the day!!

Coupons

I had so many call me or find me at church to tell me how much money they aready saving on coupons!! Very Exciting! Here are a few more tips for you.

* Once a month(at the end of the month) Eric and I sit down together and purge the box. We watch a show..or football:) and go through each envelope to throw away old coupons. Doesn't take long and we spend time together. I have been known to bring them to ball practice along with a trash bag and go through them while I wait...I'm all about multi tasking. You will throw away MANY! It is OK. Don't panic!

* I love ALDI.....Great prices on produce, milk, eggs...I am really funny about my meat...but seriously their 90/10 ground beef is awesome! I also buy spiral sliced hams during the holiday season and they are Yummy!

*To save time I look at my whole week and plan when I will stop by certain stores...I try not to make special trips.....I usually always have my coupons with me!

*My kids eat a great deal of cereal.....not just in the morning but as a snack. Since I do not buy "junk" cereals this is a great option for us. My preference would be Kashi cereal and I stock up when they are on sale...Heart to Heart! Since I can't always get it...this is my criteria... No high fructose corn syrup, less than 10g of sugar, No hydrogenated oils.

*I buy my Toilet paper at Kroger...Kroger brand of Scott...you know sandpaper on a roll :) It lasts so much longer than the fluffy kind and Kroger's brand is the hands down cheapest!

*You will get many coupons for soup...I only buy it when Healthy Request or Select Harvest goes on sale....you will find a favorite! Great for cold winter days with a sandwich and a piece of fruit!

I'm sure that I will think of more later and I will post it!