We have a whole generation of adults who have been allowed to make excuses for their bad behavior. Those people who never take responsibility for their actions...it is always someone else's fault. I think it starts at home!! Bad behavior is excused by parents and kids grow up to become adults who make excuses for everything in their lives. I'm gonna bet that if you talk with your 80 year old grand parents.....you will get a very different perspective! Below are some common excuses that I hear...
*Oh those terrible two's...to excuse fit pitching
*Boy's will be boy's....to excuse brothers fighting, or even pornography as they are older
*Oh she/he is going through puberty...to excuse bad attitudes
*It's her time of the month..to excuse EVERYTHING!!
*Teenagers...to excuse stupidity...crazy how teenagers are just expected to make poor decisions because of their age!!
Look familiar??? My point is that we are raising children who's behavior has not been dealt with and even excused. They in turn are adults who make excuses for everything in their lives. I tell my kids...there are and will always be many things that are out of your control, but you can be in control of your response. A true test of character is how we RESPOND in difficult situations.
Don't make excuses for your own bad behavior and don't let your kids...at any age!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Big Brother!!
Luke had a bad dream that bugs were crawling on him. He told Marshall that he was afraid they were going to return when he went to sleep. Marshall said, "What if I lay down with you until you fall asleep to make sure they do not come back?" This made Luke VERY happy..so Marshall climbed into Luke's twin bed with him and both fell asleep. Does a mama's heart proud to see her 6ft, high school boy take care of his brother. Those of you who know some of our struggles there...know how very proud I am! :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Bad Attitudes
I know that my personality is black and white....so this may seem harsh...but my husband's personality is not black and white....he is much more encouraging and gentle than I am.... and we are totally on the same page on this one...so you can't blame this on my personality!
Bad Attitudes.....do not accept them!!! Honestly it is that easy! Do my kids ever have them...YES and so do I for that matter! The difference is that they are not tolerated and they are dealt with immediately! We do not accept eye rolling, slamming doors, stamping and stomping, back talking or deep sighing! The instance that we see any of it ..it is dealt with right that second. I might say something like....."I know you are upset but you may not act like that." We do try to give them acceptable ways to handle their emotions but we do not argue with them! If there is not instant compliance there are instant consequences!
When my kids were little I would say something like..."You may not talk to me like that...if you can talk to me nicely or without whining or in a big girl/boy voice...then we can talk...otherwise you may go to your room until you can talk to me properly." I also used this if they were talking to their siblings or friends in an ugly or mean voice.
As my kids have gotten older this is still the same rule...they are not allowed to talk to each other or to us in a mean or disrespectful voice. They are taught to use their words in an acceptable manor to convey their thoughts.....I say to them things like...."Let's try that again." Sometimes I will even say.."Let me show you hoe that sounded" and I will mimic them...and then ask the question....."Is that the way you want to talk or to be talked to??"
So what is the result of this....my older kids...13, 14, and 17 almost NEVER give any attitude..I can't say never because no one is perfect but I will say this...If I ask them for help..If I ask them to do a chore that is not their normal duty...If I ask them to drop whatever they are doing and come to me...THEY DO IT WITHOUT ANY ATTITUDE>>>EVER!!! They occasionally have attitude with each other but almost never with me. It just never has been tolerated. I do not yell at them....I never threaten them...I really do just simply say..you may not act like that or you may not talk like that. I have done that since they were little and they DO IT!
The other day I came down the stairs to find my son..10 speaking so ugly to his sister...I sent him upstairs and I went up to talk to him...I told him that it didn't matter what she did...he could not speak like that and I gave him alternatives that he could have used in the situation but I would not let him "justify" his behavior. I then told him that the entire next day he would serve her. He had to do her chores...he had to clear her plate...He had to make her lunch...get her drinks and speak kind words to her. Along with an apology of course! All was well between them!
SO basically no arguing just do not accept bad attitudes! :)
Bad Attitudes.....do not accept them!!! Honestly it is that easy! Do my kids ever have them...YES and so do I for that matter! The difference is that they are not tolerated and they are dealt with immediately! We do not accept eye rolling, slamming doors, stamping and stomping, back talking or deep sighing! The instance that we see any of it ..it is dealt with right that second. I might say something like....."I know you are upset but you may not act like that." We do try to give them acceptable ways to handle their emotions but we do not argue with them! If there is not instant compliance there are instant consequences!
When my kids were little I would say something like..."You may not talk to me like that...if you can talk to me nicely or without whining or in a big girl/boy voice...then we can talk...otherwise you may go to your room until you can talk to me properly." I also used this if they were talking to their siblings or friends in an ugly or mean voice.
As my kids have gotten older this is still the same rule...they are not allowed to talk to each other or to us in a mean or disrespectful voice. They are taught to use their words in an acceptable manor to convey their thoughts.....I say to them things like...."Let's try that again." Sometimes I will even say.."Let me show you hoe that sounded" and I will mimic them...and then ask the question....."Is that the way you want to talk or to be talked to??"
So what is the result of this....my older kids...13, 14, and 17 almost NEVER give any attitude..I can't say never because no one is perfect but I will say this...If I ask them for help..If I ask them to do a chore that is not their normal duty...If I ask them to drop whatever they are doing and come to me...THEY DO IT WITHOUT ANY ATTITUDE>>>EVER!!! They occasionally have attitude with each other but almost never with me. It just never has been tolerated. I do not yell at them....I never threaten them...I really do just simply say..you may not act like that or you may not talk like that. I have done that since they were little and they DO IT!
The other day I came down the stairs to find my son..10 speaking so ugly to his sister...I sent him upstairs and I went up to talk to him...I told him that it didn't matter what she did...he could not speak like that and I gave him alternatives that he could have used in the situation but I would not let him "justify" his behavior. I then told him that the entire next day he would serve her. He had to do her chores...he had to clear her plate...He had to make her lunch...get her drinks and speak kind words to her. Along with an apology of course! All was well between them!
SO basically no arguing just do not accept bad attitudes! :)
Friday, October 15, 2010
Poor man's Rice Pudding
I grew up in an amazing family. My parents had very little money especially when I was little but we never really new it. I can remember my mom cooking eggs and giving each of us girls 1/2 of a piece of bacon and she would give my daddy a whole piece. We had a garden and we ate out of it everyday..my mom canned veggies all summer so that we would have them in the winter. We ate rice at many meals..I didn't know that was because it was so cheap! :) One of our favorite treats on a night that we had rice was to take a small bowl of left over rice...put a pat of butter in it and sprinkle with sugar. We thought it was a big deal because we never had dessert so it was a treat. I still like to have a bit whenever I make rice...just for fun! Thank you mama and daddy for always making us feel special!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Parenting..chores
Yes, your children should be doing chores. I recently saw a clip of the Oprah show that a friend sent me...it was about a mother who was working full time and her struggle with the HUGE job of doing the laundry. She had a husband and 3 boys...2 college age and one in high school. I watched in total amazement as they brought in a "specialist" to show her how to get a "handle" on the problem. Things like....special baskets so the boys can sort their own laundry....stain stick on the outside of the basket so they can pretreat.....they showed her how to hang her clothes to save time....they put her on a schedule to help her...SERIOUSLY!!!!! I sat with my jaw dropped.....ALL my kids do their own laundry!!!!!!!! Luke is 8 and he is still in the training process so I help him...which means I oversee what he is doing....but the rest of the kids do this all by themselves...that's a novel idea!
I have a chore chart on my fridge divided into days of the week. Each child has a column for each day. Each morning after breakfast they are required to do their chores. It takes them about 15 minutes except for the day that they have to do their laundry and on Saturday they all have a few more chores and it takes them each about 25 min. Remember the last parenting blog about getting your kids in bed early enough to get a good night sleep......well here is where it will show...you can't give them such a small amount of time to get ready in the AM that they don't have time to get this done.
Your children should NOT complain about doing their work...I will deal with this more in another blog.
We do not pay our kids for chores...it is just what you do! I have an "extra" chore basket. I basically go around the house and find those "extra" things that I want done...write them on a card and assign a price that I am willing to pay...they may choose as many as they like to earn extra money. An example..... Clean the ceiling fan in living room(this doesn't require a ladder in my house) including removing the glass light fixtures...washing and reattaching..$3.00
If your kids have never been required to do chores....there will be a season of teaching and training. You can't expect perfection but you can expect them to do a good job or they will have to do it again. But you can't expect to show them once and they know how to do it right.
Below is the list of chores that my kids do....remember they are divided up into daily parts but it will give you an idea of how we do things here.
All children are required to make their beds each morning and pick up their rooms. Each child is given a different day of the week to do laundry and they are required to strip their bed and wash their sheets on this day as well....I help my youngest 2 put the sheets back on their beds. I change the chores about every 3 months so they are not doing the same thing over and over. They all have one night to help in the kitchen...this includes chopping, cooking, setting the table. The first chore listed is a daily chore...whe rest are spread out over the week.
Lindsey 17 Sweep floor in kitchen and dining room daily, including shaking rugs..daily, unload dishwasher, wipe down laundry area, clean girls shower, mop floor in girls bathroom, kitchen help, vacuum downstairs, dust living room
Marshall 14 Empty all house trash cans..daily, un-load dishwasher, kitchen trash, wash clothes, vacuum living room and stairs, clean boys shower and mop boys bathroom (Marshall's schedule is lighter because he cuts the grass once a week.
Emily 13 Wipe down sink and potty girls bathroom daily, wipe down stove and microwave, vacuum living room and stairs, un-load dishwasher, wash clothes, kitchen trash, sweep stairs and vacuum downstairs, dust dinning room, kitchen help
Benjamin 10 Wipe down boys toilet daily, kitchen trash, un-load dishwasher, water plants, shake rugs and sweep boys bathroom, clean all computer and tv screens, wash clothes, sweep back deck help weed eat and blow the yard, kitchen help
Luke 8 Boys sink and mirror daily, kitchen trash wash clothes,un-load dishwasher, kitchen help, sweep front porch and shake rug, move all chairs &wipe down, mop kitchen,
After each meal everyone pitches in and wipes tables and counters, loads dishwasher, washes and dries dishes, sweep
Before bed we all have a tidy to take "stuff" that accumulates throughout the day back to its proper place :)
I have a chore chart on my fridge divided into days of the week. Each child has a column for each day. Each morning after breakfast they are required to do their chores. It takes them about 15 minutes except for the day that they have to do their laundry and on Saturday they all have a few more chores and it takes them each about 25 min. Remember the last parenting blog about getting your kids in bed early enough to get a good night sleep......well here is where it will show...you can't give them such a small amount of time to get ready in the AM that they don't have time to get this done.
Your children should NOT complain about doing their work...I will deal with this more in another blog.
We do not pay our kids for chores...it is just what you do! I have an "extra" chore basket. I basically go around the house and find those "extra" things that I want done...write them on a card and assign a price that I am willing to pay...they may choose as many as they like to earn extra money. An example..... Clean the ceiling fan in living room(this doesn't require a ladder in my house) including removing the glass light fixtures...washing and reattaching..$3.00
If your kids have never been required to do chores....there will be a season of teaching and training. You can't expect perfection but you can expect them to do a good job or they will have to do it again. But you can't expect to show them once and they know how to do it right.
Below is the list of chores that my kids do....remember they are divided up into daily parts but it will give you an idea of how we do things here.
All children are required to make their beds each morning and pick up their rooms. Each child is given a different day of the week to do laundry and they are required to strip their bed and wash their sheets on this day as well....I help my youngest 2 put the sheets back on their beds. I change the chores about every 3 months so they are not doing the same thing over and over. They all have one night to help in the kitchen...this includes chopping, cooking, setting the table. The first chore listed is a daily chore...whe rest are spread out over the week.
Lindsey 17 Sweep floor in kitchen and dining room daily, including shaking rugs..daily, unload dishwasher, wipe down laundry area, clean girls shower, mop floor in girls bathroom, kitchen help, vacuum downstairs, dust living room
Marshall 14 Empty all house trash cans..daily, un-load dishwasher, kitchen trash, wash clothes, vacuum living room and stairs, clean boys shower and mop boys bathroom (Marshall's schedule is lighter because he cuts the grass once a week.
Emily 13 Wipe down sink and potty girls bathroom daily, wipe down stove and microwave, vacuum living room and stairs, un-load dishwasher, wash clothes, kitchen trash, sweep stairs and vacuum downstairs, dust dinning room, kitchen help
Benjamin 10 Wipe down boys toilet daily, kitchen trash, un-load dishwasher, water plants, shake rugs and sweep boys bathroom, clean all computer and tv screens, wash clothes, sweep back deck help weed eat and blow the yard, kitchen help
Luke 8 Boys sink and mirror daily, kitchen trash wash clothes,un-load dishwasher, kitchen help, sweep front porch and shake rug, move all chairs &wipe down, mop kitchen,
After each meal everyone pitches in and wipes tables and counters, loads dishwasher, washes and dries dishes, sweep
Before bed we all have a tidy to take "stuff" that accumulates throughout the day back to its proper place :)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Parenting..Mornings
Remember these will be short and sweet! If you have further questions ask! I love questions!
* A good morning starts the night before! Lay out clothes and supplies..you do not want to be searching for homework and shoes in the morning. If clothes are already chosen and laid out...it will make your morning smoother.
* Also PUT YOUR CHILDREN TO BED EARLY ENOUGH TO GET THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SLEEP! Children are cranky when they are sleepy...so am I! :) This WILL make your mornings better!!
*Wake up before your children....get yourself together. Get dressed...get your coffee..or tea..or whatever gets you going!...Spend a few minutes with the Lord! Pray and ask the Lord to help you in your day....pray for your children and your husband! I like to read a chapter of Proverbs...there are 31 of them so I can read the one that correlates with that day.
*Wake your children up so that they have plenty of time to get ready and "wake-up"...I have many times made the mistake of trying to let them get as much sleep as possible and I push the time too close..I spend my whole morning saying,"hurry up!" If they are in bed on time this should not be an issue!
*Start your kids out with a good balanced breakfast. Parents feed their kids a boat load of sugar filled stuff first thing and then wonder why they are bouncing off the walls and unable to concentrate. Doughnuts, pop tarts, toaster strudels, or canned cinnamon rolls are not a healthy beginning!
*Remember to speak kind and encouraging words to your kids and to your husband in the morning. Don't start the day being short tempered, rushed, or even yelling....that is not a good way to start the day!!
* A good morning starts the night before! Lay out clothes and supplies..you do not want to be searching for homework and shoes in the morning. If clothes are already chosen and laid out...it will make your morning smoother.
* Also PUT YOUR CHILDREN TO BED EARLY ENOUGH TO GET THE RIGHT AMOUNT OF SLEEP! Children are cranky when they are sleepy...so am I! :) This WILL make your mornings better!!
*Wake up before your children....get yourself together. Get dressed...get your coffee..or tea..or whatever gets you going!...Spend a few minutes with the Lord! Pray and ask the Lord to help you in your day....pray for your children and your husband! I like to read a chapter of Proverbs...there are 31 of them so I can read the one that correlates with that day.
*Wake your children up so that they have plenty of time to get ready and "wake-up"...I have many times made the mistake of trying to let them get as much sleep as possible and I push the time too close..I spend my whole morning saying,"hurry up!" If they are in bed on time this should not be an issue!
*Start your kids out with a good balanced breakfast. Parents feed their kids a boat load of sugar filled stuff first thing and then wonder why they are bouncing off the walls and unable to concentrate. Doughnuts, pop tarts, toaster strudels, or canned cinnamon rolls are not a healthy beginning!
*Remember to speak kind and encouraging words to your kids and to your husband in the morning. Don't start the day being short tempered, rushed, or even yelling....that is not a good way to start the day!!
Coupons
I had so many call me or find me at church to tell me how much money they aready saving on coupons!! Very Exciting! Here are a few more tips for you.
* Once a month(at the end of the month) Eric and I sit down together and purge the box. We watch a show..or football:) and go through each envelope to throw away old coupons. Doesn't take long and we spend time together. I have been known to bring them to ball practice along with a trash bag and go through them while I wait...I'm all about multi tasking. You will throw away MANY! It is OK. Don't panic!
* I love ALDI.....Great prices on produce, milk, eggs...I am really funny about my meat...but seriously their 90/10 ground beef is awesome! I also buy spiral sliced hams during the holiday season and they are Yummy!
*To save time I look at my whole week and plan when I will stop by certain stores...I try not to make special trips.....I usually always have my coupons with me!
*My kids eat a great deal of cereal.....not just in the morning but as a snack. Since I do not buy "junk" cereals this is a great option for us. My preference would be Kashi cereal and I stock up when they are on sale...Heart to Heart! Since I can't always get it...this is my criteria... No high fructose corn syrup, less than 10g of sugar, No hydrogenated oils.
*I buy my Toilet paper at Kroger...Kroger brand of Scott...you know sandpaper on a roll :) It lasts so much longer than the fluffy kind and Kroger's brand is the hands down cheapest!
*You will get many coupons for soup...I only buy it when Healthy Request or Select Harvest goes on sale....you will find a favorite! Great for cold winter days with a sandwich and a piece of fruit!
I'm sure that I will think of more later and I will post it!
* Once a month(at the end of the month) Eric and I sit down together and purge the box. We watch a show..or football:) and go through each envelope to throw away old coupons. Doesn't take long and we spend time together. I have been known to bring them to ball practice along with a trash bag and go through them while I wait...I'm all about multi tasking. You will throw away MANY! It is OK. Don't panic!
* I love ALDI.....Great prices on produce, milk, eggs...I am really funny about my meat...but seriously their 90/10 ground beef is awesome! I also buy spiral sliced hams during the holiday season and they are Yummy!
*To save time I look at my whole week and plan when I will stop by certain stores...I try not to make special trips.....I usually always have my coupons with me!
*My kids eat a great deal of cereal.....not just in the morning but as a snack. Since I do not buy "junk" cereals this is a great option for us. My preference would be Kashi cereal and I stock up when they are on sale...Heart to Heart! Since I can't always get it...this is my criteria... No high fructose corn syrup, less than 10g of sugar, No hydrogenated oils.
*I buy my Toilet paper at Kroger...Kroger brand of Scott...you know sandpaper on a roll :) It lasts so much longer than the fluffy kind and Kroger's brand is the hands down cheapest!
*You will get many coupons for soup...I only buy it when Healthy Request or Select Harvest goes on sale....you will find a favorite! Great for cold winter days with a sandwich and a piece of fruit!
I'm sure that I will think of more later and I will post it!
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