Monday, September 8, 2008

Disrespect Part 2

WOW....I have had several emails and 1 post on this subject. I want to start with the toddler stage and then address the older kids.

First let me say that we do not have the perfect family...because there isn't one! We are all imperfect but I serve a perfect Lord and He wants the best for my children....even more than I do!! I have 5 who has had 5 spankings in her whole life...seriously...she is the most obedient child you will ever meet. I also have one child who has, at times, had 5 spankings by the time breakfast hit.......seriously! By the way we believe in spanking. I am not going to go there tonight because this would be way to long...but I will soon give you our parameters on that. I feel like we have had to deal with a wide variety of issues between all the kids.

I do not believe that there is an age that is too young to begin talking about respect and the correct way to treat others. Even children as young as 1 can begin to understand your tone before they understand your words....this doesn't magically happen when they turn 3. In our home it has never been acceptable to whine, beg, groan, complain and certainly not to be disrespectful and rude. Many times we do not see that begging, for instance, seems just an annoyance when they are young but when they get older it seems so disrespectful. It is always disrespectful!!! at any age!!! and you need to see it as such! Did my kids do all these betcha they did! Did I ignore them....NO. When my little ones would whine for something in our house.... I would say, "I am so sorry honey, I can't understand you when you talk like that you need to use your big boy voice so I can understand you." If you do that every time and do not give them what they are asking for until they can ask properly....they will learn not to whine! This is a part of training your children. It is not necessarily a discipline issue every time....just training! Teach them that they are not going to get what they want by begging, whining and certainly not by demanding! Do not yell at your children. You need to speak firmly but in a low or normal voice......if you yell, you are teaching them that you are not really serious until you hit a certain decibel. You want them to listen and obey because you are speaking to them not until you are so angry that you are yelling.

When you see a behavior in your child that is unacceptable, you need to stop whatever you are doing and address this immediately. Call the child to you....bend down to their level ...make eye contact and speak to them about the to resolve it....and what the punishment will be if it continues. Make sure that your child always apologizes to whomever they were disrespectful to. Here at our house we spend a great deal of time talking about how our behavior is either pleasing or displeasing to the Lord. When my children were little we prayed specifically about their behavior...good and bad....and it does my heart good to see my older children asking me to pray specifically for an area in which they are struggling.

Always praise your children for the things that they are doing well. Sometimes it is oh so hard to find :) but you can always find something to say that is positive. Always tell them how much you love them and that you are proud of them....not for what they do...just because they are yours!

I promise to talk about older children is late and as I was writing this I was spinning with things that kept coming to mind. There is so much to say on this subject! Love those babies!


WendyDarling said...

Thank you for visiting my blog. I couldn't agree with you more about this post. ;-)

Smelling Coffee said...

Hi Michelle~ Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog. I'm glad you did so that I can now read yours. I LOVED what you had to say about respect, and totally agree with you. It sounds like we've raised our children in similar ways.

I'll look forward to the rest of the "Direspect" discourses. :-)


Kasey Baxter said...

At our house we call it WHINESE.
And mom nor dad understand that foreign language. I love your posts, I check daily for new ones.
Lindsey's is fabulous. Breelan has been following hers.

You need to teach a class to new parents.
Love you!

Michele Helms said...

Kasey....You are so sweet. We sure do love you and Paul! Actually we are teaching a class at FBCW for 6 weeks starting in a few weeks. We are really excited about it.

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